I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can't special order awesome
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
