dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
