I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
