once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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