He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
