He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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