shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
