I heard we made out
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
