youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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