So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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