SEEEEXXX PLEASE
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
