Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i out mim tonsoeep
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