apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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