so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
