States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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