Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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