Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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