My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
