I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
