So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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