I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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