Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
