I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He did a backflip because drugs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
