I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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