And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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