My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
