Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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