I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
