If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
