i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
