Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
it glows. i had to have it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
