Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
