I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
