Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
