can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Text me some of your sweat
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
