Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
