Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize