Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
