its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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