i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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