I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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