I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
