Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love you. Go after that dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
