also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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