dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
