Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
