Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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