Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
