i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
