you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This house was built for laser tag.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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