Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Houston, we have a squirter
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize