This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
