Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
