She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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