I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize