tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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