drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
