apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
