just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I intend to get homeless drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
