she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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