she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
