just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
