why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
