Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My liver just broke up with me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
