We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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