Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
home. puking in laundry basket.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
