I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
