dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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